This was the message in church this morning.
Andrew and I were late today (buzz off) and ran in during the first reading. Side note- the readings are my favorite parts. Anyway, so when that's all over, the priest remains at the podium and starts talking about intentions. He questioned our purpose in life, whether it is to grow as a person, or grow externally. I was listening, but not really. And actually I was thinking about my goals during this time, thinking about the things that I want to see manifest in my life. And then the Father said, "are you making yourself better off? ..or better?
(Betsy falls off pew)
It was smack dab in the middle of my contemplating moving into a new relationship.
As my friends would tell you, growing up I was always somehow romantically involved with someone or in a relationship, and I really couldn't survive without having that type of intimacy because I would more or less fall apart. Fast forward a couple years, I ended my first adult relationship with a man that I loved because I knew that the person wasn't for me, and I was done with hanging on to someone else's coattails, living a life that was controlled by someone who really wasn't going in the direction that I wanted to be leading.
Fast forward a couple more years to today, and here I am having emotionally intimate friendships with people of all walks of life, deep conversations with platonic friends and mentors that I was craving while chasing dead-end relationships. Isn't it ironic that we are so emotionally and intimately bankrupt in relationships that don't fit, even if we're with the person everyday, sleeping in the same bed? Today my relationships are more than I could ever ask for.
So now that I've started dating again, I was going through a mental list of all the things that I wanted in a man. I won't go into detail (sorry ladies) but I was proudly kind of filtering through all these visualizations of living a nice comfy life with a great guy.
And then with the priest's words all that was shattered. Because I was projecting all of my "making myself better off" ideals on another person, rather than seeking to improve myself on the inside and out.
we can truly have all that we desire in a partner, if we meet a person we can find ways to learn to love who they are, and teach them how to fulfill our needs. If we are the right person to begin with. I was snapped out of my fantasy world that told me I needed someone to have a great x, y, and z to make me look better. Looking back I see how absolutely unattractive it would be to date with a checklist like that, to expect perfection and not strive for self-improvement.
I'm not saying that dating is a time to completely change yourself, to try to be perfect, or believe that if you can just change that one thing about yourself that you'll be worthy of love. No.
That never works. The worst relationships are built on lies.
Instead, strive to be the best person you can be, accentuating the things that make you awesome and wholeheartedly admitting to your faults. It's okay if you can't cook ladies! It's okay if you can't do laundry for shit, guys! Just make sure that you're working on your strengths and then your partner will really have the opportunity to fill in for the parts of you that need a little help... and all without forming human crutches to lean your weaknesses on.