Sunday, July 31, 2016

Are you making yourself better off.. or better?

Examine your life for a second. Look out over the horizon at your goals, your decisions. Are you asking for things and working toward ideals so that your life can appear better on the outside? Or are you striving to improve on the inside?

This was the message in church this morning. 

Andrew and I were late today (buzz off) and ran in during the first reading. Side note- the readings are my favorite parts. Anyway, so when that's all over, the priest remains at the podium and starts talking about intentions. He questioned our purpose in life, whether it is to grow as a person, or grow externally. I was listening, but not really. And actually I was thinking about my goals during this time, thinking about the things that I want to see manifest in my life. And then the Father said, "are you making yourself better off? ..or better?

(Betsy falls off pew)

It was smack dab in the middle of my contemplating moving into a new relationship. 

Perfect timing. 

As my friends would tell you, growing up I was always somehow romantically involved with someone or in a relationship, and I really couldn't survive without having that type of intimacy because I would more or less fall apart. Fast forward a couple years, I ended my first adult relationship with a man that I loved because I knew that the person wasn't for me, and I was done with hanging on to someone else's coattails, living a life that was controlled by someone who really wasn't going in the direction that I wanted to be leading. 


Fast forward a couple more years to today, and here I am having emotionally intimate friendships with people of all walks of life, deep conversations with platonic friends and mentors that I was craving while chasing dead-end relationships. Isn't it ironic that we are so emotionally and intimately bankrupt in relationships that don't fit, even if we're with the person everyday, sleeping in the same bed? Today my relationships are more than I could ever ask for. 

So now that I've started dating again, I was going through a mental list of all the things that I wanted in a man. I won't go into detail (sorry ladies) but I was proudly kind of filtering through all these visualizations of living a nice comfy life with a great guy. 
And then with the priest's words all that was shattered. Because I was projecting all of my "making myself better off" ideals on another person, rather than seeking to improve myself on the inside and out.

My loves, 
we can truly have all that we desire in a partner, if we meet a person we can find ways to learn to love who they are, and teach them how to fulfill our needs. If we are the right person to begin with. I was snapped out of my fantasy world that told me I needed someone to have a great x, y, and z to make me look better. Looking back I see how absolutely unattractive it would be to date with a checklist like that, to expect perfection and not strive for self-improvement. 

I'm not saying that dating is a time to completely change yourself, to try to be perfect, or believe that if you can just change that one thing about yourself that you'll be worthy of love. No. 
That never works. The worst relationships are built on lies. 

Instead, strive to be the best person you can be, accentuating the things that make you awesome and wholeheartedly admitting to your faults.  It's okay if you can't cook ladies! It's okay if you can't do laundry for shit, guys! Just make sure that you're working on your strengths and then your partner will really have the opportunity to fill in for the parts of you that need a little help... and all without forming human crutches to lean your weaknesses on. 


Wednesday, April 29, 2015

What to Do When Your View of Success Changes

Mis queridos- 

It's been a while since I wrote out something, and thought I'd update where I am in my life.

I have recently been feeling at a crossroads, stuck between doing what I thought I loved and starting out on a new path. It is such a strange feeling realizing that there really is something else out there, that many of our lives are ripe with opportunities that we many times do not notice.
These past few months have been so amazingly abundant with new job opportunities, friends, love interests, and most importantly dreams. As I complete more and more goals that I thought were impossible, my dreams keep growing and I am finally able to see myself really becoming that which I only fantasized about before.

But what about when that fantasy no longer applies to your life anymore?

Take a step back to survey your life.
Every experience allows us to grow and change our views about the world we live in. New goals were created by a new way of thinking, a new person. Get intimate with that person- what values does he/she have? What kinds of things does he/she most enjoy? When we are honest with ourselves about who we are today, it makes it a lot easier to accept the transition and move easily in a new direction.

Take out the trash.
This is metaphoric too. The more that I dedicate myself to improving my life and relationships with others, so much stuff comes up seemingly from nowhere. My room starts to feel cluttered. Relationships that once served me start to feel stagnant or out of sync.

This new change is a wonderful time to get out those old patterns and let go of what no longer serves you in order to make room for the new. Physically cleaning my room- opening old storage drawers and just throwing away bags of old papers, clothes, and trinkets I don't need- is so therapeutic. Afterward, my spirit feels lighter. Even though it can be hard sometimes, sometimes you just gotta cut the crap and do it. For yourself.

Explore new hobbies.
I have found that my life transitions were always led by a change in tastes. All of a sudden I get so excited about this new job opportunity or reading this new book and it takes me on this journey that ends with a great lesson. Allow yourself to get caught up in a whirlwind of joy- it may be as simple as starting a short meditation ritual everyday, or taking yourself out to lunch twice a week at your favorite café. "Follow your bliss" is probably some of the best advice that I have gotten recently, and when I allowed myself to get caught up in what I loved to do, I woke up six months later feeling like a completely different (awesome) person.

Work hard.
This may seem obvious, but when we transition into a new life, it is easy to start dawdling in random shit that doesn't mean anything, like playing mahjong online for hours. Whoops. This just puts you back in the trap of going back to your old life because the new one seems like it has no promise. If you don't know where to start, pick up that book that you've been meaning to read. Take a day to apply on a whim to a bunch of jobs. Go travel your local neighborhood, city, country, or the world! Get out of your comfort zone and start working and exploring like the person that you want to be, not the person you are today.

Buena Suerte

 Image Source: Tumblr

Wednesday, April 15, 2015


Currently loving the wrapped blazer look. So easy-you can look fresh without buying anything new! 

Also the cinched waist is so feminine. Good outfit idea for a date possibly... ;)

Bisous ♥

{Forever 21 Blazer // Rich & Skinny Jeans // BCBG heels // Zara bag also here}

Photos by: Daniel L.